TestDeveloper.com

Saul Sepia is Juan Blanco’s manager.  The stage curtain opens.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Why do you want to leave the group?

[JUAN BLANCO]:  I have been here for five years now.  It’s not the same as when I first started.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Of course things change…that’s life.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Yes, but the technology is so different now.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  What do you mean?

[JUAN BLANCO]:  We’ve made too many compromises along the way.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Perhaps a few…maybe a baker’s dozen or so.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  No, it’s much more than that.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Whatever it is…this is R&D.  Adjustments to the roadmap are inevitable.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Yes, some adjustments are necessary, but too many made us lose our way.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  I understand that you are disappointed, but you have to look at the big picture.  You still have a job.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Don’t you remember why we came here in the first place, Saul?

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Of course, I do.  We wanted to build a car that ran on air alone.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  We were so close to reaching that goal.  We had the money, knowledge, and drive to finish the project.  What happened?

[SAUL SEPIA]:  I think it started with the reorganization we had last summer when the health care group merged with our group.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Yes, but that didn’t make any sense to me.  We test cars, not colostomy bags.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  That’s why I am the boss, Juan.  You never see the big picture, like me.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  What are you talking about?

[SAUL SEPIA]: Upper management thought that there were many existing technologies that could be leveraged from the health care group to ours.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Like what?

[SAUL SEPIA]:  The oxygen tanks could be used as fuel cells.  The rubber from the surgical gloves and syringes could be used for the car tires.  The eye wash could be used as windshield wiper fluid.  We didn’t have to reinvent the wheel.  We saved money and time.  Damn it, Juan…don’t you see that?

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Yeah, everything looked good on paper, but did management bother to ask us for our input?  Hell, no.  Once the merged happened, the health care group consumed us.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  Well, that makes sense because the health care group is profitable.  We are not, so we had no clout to make any decisions about our future.  Still I think it worked out.  With a few minor changes, our project is still on track.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  Saul, are you delirious?  We are not making a car that runs on air anymore.  We are making recyclable colostomy bags instead.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  I understand that the colostomy technology is not as sexy as a car that runs on air, but you have to look at the revenue potential, Juan.  Our campaign is to make colostomy bags accessible to every living adult and child in the world one bag at a time.

[JUAN BLANCO]:  I don’t want to burst your bubble—or your colostomy bag for that matter, Saul, but the competition already has a leg up on us.

[SAUL SEPIA]:  You must be talking about the iColostomy Bag.

The stage lights dim and the stage curtain closes.  The audience goes wild.

Bird by MT

I park my truck at the south entrance of the office building.

I see a bird perched high above the glass doorways where the employees go through.

I hear the bird singing a beautiful song.  It’s a melodic score, but as I walk closer, the bird suddenly changes its tune.  It sees me and begins to yell…

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

I have no doubt that the bird is trying to talk to me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

But what is it trying to say?

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a very important person at the company.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a test developer.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird thinks I am a Caesar so I translate:

“HAIL, HAIL, HAIL!”

Yes, the bird respects me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

Source:  Patent Place USA

Several key company employees are gathered in a room to hear Amy, the HR manager, announce a new policy regarding travel.

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  God forbid that we all die together in a plane crash.  So we have a new company policy that restricts us from travelling together in the same vehicle. When I say vehicle, I mean plane, train, bus, ship, car, whatever…

[CEO STEVE]:  How are we going to arrange this?  We have an important trade show to attend next week and all of us need to be there.

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  We hired an on-site travel agent to handle the arrangements. Betty?

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]: Thanks Amy. It’s really quite simple.  Steve, since you are the CEO, you will have exclusive flying rights to the company’s air shuttle.  Diane, since you are the head of marketing, we will book you first class on any major airline.  Tony, since you are head of sales, we will book you first class on any airline too, but not the same airline as Diane.  Finally, Robert, since you are the head of research and technology, you too will have to travel separately.  We are well aware of your fear of flying so you have first choice of any alternate mode of travel, such as a first-class train, limo, rent-a-car, etc.  Amy, you will have priority tothe company car.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]: Excuse me.  What about me?

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  Who are you?

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  John.  I am the test developer.

Travel agent Betty begins searching her itineraries for John’s name.

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]: John, John, John…oh, yes, John.  Here we go.  We have you listed here.  You will be traveling with the greyhound.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  Oh, you mean I will be taking the greyhound bus?

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]:  No.  You will be traveling with the company’s mascot, Sparky the Greyhound Dog.

[HEAD OF RESEARCH AND TECHNOLOGY ROBERT]:  That’s right, John.  We patented a special monkey harness that fits the complex, narrow framework of a greyhound dog.  Since you are test monkey, we figured that this is the best way to test the invention before it goes to production.

[CEO STEVE]:  We are talking billions in potential revenue.  Billions.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  Ok.  I’ll do it for the company.

So John rode around the country on the back of a greyhound dog, testing the monkey saddle.  John thought he was doing the right thing.  He later learned, however, that the whole job was nothing more than a practical joke.  The dog was even an insider to the joke.  The dog left John for dead in the bowels of Death Valley several miles north of Highway 190 sometime around noon.  The moral of this story is never trust people who want you to test a monkey saddle on a greyhound dog.  Testing 101.