Reno Needs Some Time Off

gregory beltz Pictures, Images and Photos

Reno stops by John’s cubicle.  Reno sees a Do Not Disturb sign strapped across the cubicle’s entrance.

[RENO]:  Hey, what’s this for?

[JOHN]:  It’s a Do Not Disturb sign.

[RENO]:  Huh.  What are you doing?

[JOHN]:  Well, I saw you coming so I tried to put this .45 in my mouth as quickly as I could.  I squeezed the trigger but nothing happened—kind of like the products we test here, nothing works.

[RENO]:  Huh.  Um.  I wanted to talk to you about me taking some time off this week.

[JOHN]:  Why are you telling me, I’m not your boss?

[RENO]:  I need someone to send out the e-mail telling the group that I will be out.

[JOHN]:  Do it yourself, idiot.  I’m not your secretary.

[RENO]:  Come on, Bro.  Don’t be so hostile.  My laptop is hosed.

[JOHN]:  Why?

[RENO]:  I was chunking some torrent data on it the other day and now it can’t reboot.

[JOHN]:  What are you talking about?

[RENO]:  I was downloading massive chunks of pirated Blu-ray documentaries about Haiti.

[JOHN]:  Why don’t you ask someone else?  I’m too busy.

[RENO]:  No problem, Bro.  Hey, did you ever get that e-mail I sent to you this morning?  It’s a funny video about these two chicks and a cup.  It’s should be in your work e-mail.

Suddenly Eugene Victor Tooms emerges from a small vent under John’s desk.  Tooms quickly grabs John’s legs to pull him down into the vent shaft.  Blood is shooting everywhere.  Reno looks on with a blank stare.  Tooms then grabs the Do Not Disturb sign and places it front of the vent before he too disappears into the darkness of the shaft.  Distance screams are heard followed by a resounding silence.

[RENO]:  Huh.

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A Bird Sings Kawk

Bird by MT

I park my truck at the south entrance of the office building.

I see a bird perched high above the glass doorways where the employees go through.

I hear the bird singing a beautiful song.  It’s a melodic score, but as I walk closer, the bird suddenly changes its tune.  It sees me and begins to yell…

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

I have no doubt that the bird is trying to talk to me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

But what is it trying to say?

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a very important person at the company.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a test developer.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird thinks I am a Caesar so I translate:

“HAIL, HAIL, HAIL!”

Yes, the bird respects me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

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