Source

When old dogs don’t learn new tricks, they get put to sleep.  This is probably the best career advice I can give you.  Put these words on your t-shirts, bumper stickers, and bum tattoos.

As our careers gracefully mature like a fine wine and French cheese, intoxicating but smelly (the French), we naturally tend to put our emphasis on work experience rather than formal education.  If I already have a degree and I’m working, then why do I need to go back to school?  Good question.

A few months ago I decided to pursue a certification in CompTIA Security+.   For security, there are many kinds of certifications, including CISSP.   I know that there are some of you out there who think that these kinds of  certifications are big waste of time and money, but I also know of many companies and government agencies that require them for hiring.  Let me highlight the advantages:

  • It’s a requirement.  Your job opportunities have now expanded.
  • You will learn something new.  How bad can that be?
  • It’s a kind of proof to show that you have a least baseline knowledge of security.  It doesn’t mean that you’re an expert, but at least it’s a verifiable way that you studied computer security fundamentals or a least that you’re a good test taker.
  • You can use your certifications to cover the drunk-punch-holes in the walls of your trailer.

The economy is getting so bad these days that even McDonald’s has downsized its Supersize meals (comedic drum roll).  Companies have modified Tuckerman’s stages of group development of forming, storming, and norming to forming, storming, and reorging (comedic drum roll).  You feel helpless as management passes you around like a pack of cigarettes in prison.  For some, this may not be a bad thing, but for others, think of these certifications as tiny little picks that will help you tunnel your way through the walls of your cubicle to freedom.  I will let you know how it goes.

Finally, if you are an old dog and you can’t learn new tricks, then you should retire immediately.

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How Do You Say French in Lobster?

When a lobster dies, it usually dies because of an external cause, not because of age.  A lobster will never show signs of getting old.  It doesn’t lose drive, its metabolism never changes, and it can mate forever.  The bigger the lobster, the older it is.  Each lobster has perfected itself to live forever.  We perfected each lobster by boiling it alive and eating it with lots of butter.

A French restaurateur, Jean Sulpice, once said that lobsters are like people.  They have facial features similar to humans and they both taste delicious served as bisque. Any savvy French manager knows that even though lobsters actually feel pain, they can’t scream when being boiled because they have no vocal chords.  I know this to be true firsthand, but can’t talk about it for fear of the career guillotine.

 

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Dale Drills Hidey-Holes in the Cubes

Source:  Wikipedia

Dale Cull is back working on cubicles.  HR had to let him go.

[TESTER]:  Dale, what is a hidey-hole cube layout?

[DALE CULL]:  I arrange all of the cubes into a perfect circle.

[TESTER]:  Why a circle, Dale?

[DALE CULL]:  So I can drill holes in the walls.

[TESTER]:  Why the holes, Dale?

[DALE CULL]:  I call them hidey-holes.  You can put your junk in them.

[TESTER]:  How do I get my junk back?

[DALE CULL]:  You have to reach around.

[TESTER]:  Thank you, Dale.

[DALE CULL]:  You’re welcome.

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Source:  WorkVitamins

If I was ever to write a book, it wouldn’t about things like test driven development, design for test, or agile programming.  While those approaches are proven and practiced by many test development teams throughout the world, they have never existed in my world.  For me, I will write about the real world of testing.  I will write about the mouse traps in the hallways, the holes in the cubicle walls, and the smells in the elevators.  I will write about the empire builders, pretty mouths, and the wet willies.  I will write about the black bird that yells KAWK at me every morning from atop the office building, the Quaker who stands outside my bedroom window every night, and the half-blind 3D movie tester.

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April Fools’ Day

John the tester walks to his cube.  It’s on fire.  John’s boss yells, “April Fools”.  John walks to his car.  It’s on fire.  John’s boss yells “April Fools” from his office window.  So John takes a bus.  The bus driver drops John off in a bad neighborhood.  The bus driver yells, “April Fools”.  John finally makes it home for lunch.  He checks his mail.  There is an envelope.  He opens it.  A grayish-white powder spews out.  John starts to choke.  The telephone rings.  The answering machine kicks off.  John’s boss yells “April Fools” into the phone speaker.  John recovers and goes back to work.  John’s boss visits John in his cube and tells John that he is fired.  John laughs, “Ha ha…April Fools’ Day, right?”  John’s boss replies, “No.  You should know me by now, John.  I would never joke about something like that.”

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