Reno Needs Some Time Off

gregory beltz Pictures, Images and Photos

Reno stops by John’s cubicle.  Reno sees a Do Not Disturb sign strapped across the cubicle’s entrance.

[RENO]:  Hey, what’s this for?

[JOHN]:  It’s a Do Not Disturb sign.

[RENO]:  Huh.  What are you doing?

[JOHN]:  Well, I saw you coming so I tried to put this .45 in my mouth as quickly as I could.  I squeezed the trigger but nothing happened—kind of like the products we test here, nothing works.

[RENO]:  Huh.  Um.  I wanted to talk to you about me taking some time off this week.

[JOHN]:  Why are you telling me, I’m not your boss?

[RENO]:  I need someone to send out the e-mail telling the group that I will be out.

[JOHN]:  Do it yourself, idiot.  I’m not your secretary.

[RENO]:  Come on, Bro.  Don’t be so hostile.  My laptop is hosed.

[JOHN]:  Why?

[RENO]:  I was chunking some torrent data on it the other day and now it can’t reboot.

[JOHN]:  What are you talking about?

[RENO]:  I was downloading massive chunks of pirated Blu-ray documentaries about Haiti.

[JOHN]:  Why don’t you ask someone else?  I’m too busy.

[RENO]:  No problem, Bro.  Hey, did you ever get that e-mail I sent to you this morning?  It’s a funny video about these two chicks and a cup.  It’s should be in your work e-mail.

Suddenly Eugene Victor Tooms emerges from a small vent under John’s desk.  Tooms quickly grabs John’s legs to pull him down into the vent shaft.  Blood is shooting everywhere.  Reno looks on with a blank stare.  Tooms then grabs the Do Not Disturb sign and places it front of the vent before he too disappears into the darkness of the shaft.  Distance screams are heard followed by a resounding silence.

[RENO]:  Huh.

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A Bird Sings Kawk

Bird by MT

I park my truck at the south entrance of the office building.

I see a bird perched high above the glass doorways where the employees go through.

I hear the bird singing a beautiful song.  It’s a melodic score, but as I walk closer, the bird suddenly changes its tune.  It sees me and begins to yell…

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

I have no doubt that the bird is trying to talk to me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

But what is it trying to say?

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a very important person at the company.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird must know that I am a test developer.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

The bird thinks I am a Caesar so I translate:

“HAIL, HAIL, HAIL!”

Yes, the bird respects me.

“KAWK, KAWK, KAWK!”

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Source:  WorkVitamins

If I was ever to write a book, it wouldn’t about things like test driven development, design for test, or agile programming.  While those approaches are proven and practiced by many test development teams throughout the world, they have never existed in my world.  For me, I will write about the real world of testing.  I will write about the mouse traps in the hallways, the holes in the cubicle walls, and the smells in the elevators.  I will write about the empire builders, pretty mouths, and the wet willies.  I will write about the black bird that yells KAWK at me every morning from atop the office building, the Quaker who stands outside my bedroom window every night, and the half-blind 3D movie tester.

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The Test Monkey Rides a Greyhound

Source:  Patent Place USA

Several key company employees are gathered in a room to hear Amy, the HR manager, announce a new policy regarding travel.

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  God forbid that we all die together in a plane crash.  So we have a new company policy that restricts us from travelling together in the same vehicle. When I say vehicle, I mean plane, train, bus, ship, car, whatever…

[CEO STEVE]:  How are we going to arrange this?  We have an important trade show to attend next week and all of us need to be there.

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  We hired an on-site travel agent to handle the arrangements. Betty?

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]: Thanks Amy. It’s really quite simple.  Steve, since you are the CEO, you will have exclusive flying rights to the company’s air shuttle.  Diane, since you are the head of marketing, we will book you first class on any major airline.  Tony, since you are head of sales, we will book you first class on any airline too, but not the same airline as Diane.  Finally, Robert, since you are the head of research and technology, you too will have to travel separately.  We are well aware of your fear of flying so you have first choice of any alternate mode of travel, such as a first-class train, limo, rent-a-car, etc.  Amy, you will have priority tothe company car.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]: Excuse me.  What about me?

[HR MANAGER AMY]:  Who are you?

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  John.  I am the test developer.

Travel agent Betty begins searching her itineraries for John’s name.

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]: John, John, John…oh, yes, John.  Here we go.  We have you listed here.  You will be traveling with the greyhound.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  Oh, you mean I will be taking the greyhound bus?

[TRAVEL AGENT BETTY]:  No.  You will be traveling with the company’s mascot, Sparky the Greyhound Dog.

[HEAD OF RESEARCH AND TECHNOLOGY ROBERT]:  That’s right, John.  We patented a special monkey harness that fits the complex, narrow framework of a greyhound dog.  Since you are test monkey, we figured that this is the best way to test the invention before it goes to production.

[CEO STEVE]:  We are talking billions in potential revenue.  Billions.

[TEST DEVELOPER JOHN]:  Ok.  I’ll do it for the company.

So John rode around the country on the back of a greyhound dog, testing the monkey saddle.  John thought he was doing the right thing.  He later learned, however, that the whole job was nothing more than a practical joke.  The dog was even an insider to the joke.  The dog left John for dead in the bowels of Death Valley several miles north of Highway 190 sometime around noon.  The moral of this story is never trust people who want you to test a monkey saddle on a greyhound dog.  Testing 101.

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What is White Box Testing?

Source:  The International Obfuscated C Code Contest (Hines)

[QUESTION]:  What is White Box Testing?

[JOHN’S ANSWER]:  First you ask me about black box testing, then you ask me about white box testing.  Why don’t you just call it white trash testing?  Why can’t this world just get along?  Why do we need to judge boxes by the color of their cardboard?  It’s all about character, not color, I say.

[CORRECT ANSWER]:  It’s testing something that you expect to work in a certain way and have detailed knowledge of how it actually works inside.  A good example would be gaining access to the programming source code of a product that you are testing.  A tester may identify potential bugs and vulnerabilities in the product by reviewing the source code.  Without such access, these problems would be harder to find.

[JOHN]:  Oh, I see you what you mean.  The code above is a great example of what you are talking about.

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